Some Days… -My Life #3

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SOME DAYS……

Having a conversation,
I’m the only one talking,
Embodied in a war,
In my mind it’s fought in.
Asking questions to myself,
Answered then unanswered,
Decided then undecided,
Right,left, always divided.
Anxious about being anxious,
Paranoid about being paranoid,
Depressed about being depressed,
Stressed about being stressed.
Questioning my questions,
Thinking of thinking,
Overthinking as the thoughts sink in,
Now I feel as if I am sinking.
This becomes more troublesome,
Not all understand as it only troubles some.
I guess some days,
Are better than some days,
And I hope someday,
The thoughts will go away,
Maybe one day…..

A Poem By Corey Booth 03/10/16
Follow @CoreyPoetry on Twitter 🙂

The Hiatus – My Life #2

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The Hiatus – My Life#2

They say keep your enemies close,
My enemies my mind so we can’t get any closer,
Why can’t we just become friends,
Everyday I hope for this grudge ends…
I’m nearly 24, with nothing to show for it,
Another year passes with nothing to show for it,
Medical issues making me crazy,
life I’ve had enough of it,
If I had the bottle to get rid of it,
I’d be 6 foot under and loving it.
No friends acknowledge me,
My own family doesn’t even acknowledge me,
This makes it even harder for me.

I wish I can put their eyes in my brain,
So they can see my pain,
Understand what I’m going though,
And never leave my side again.
But that’s not possible,
Damn right impossible,
This mental state has taken me to the hospital.
Anxiety got my heart wanting to explode,
This shouldn’t be happening to a 24 year old,
But I bet you will all talk my name when my body implodes…
Medical issues.
Financial Issues,
Mental issues,
Social issues,
God pass me some tissues..
To whipe away all these problems,
I don’t mind being a stand out,
I ain’t asking to be regular,
Just take away the anguish,
Please I’m on my knees begging ya..
If you lived a day in my head,
You would come out scared,
Vision impaired,
Thinking when you got to take your next med,
Hoping the next day never comes as you lay in bed,
Thoughts function in your head saying you’re better off dead..
Somehow I’m still here fighting and unwinnable war,
Maybe it’s family I’m doing this for,
So I’m just going to keep taking every
Bullet, stab and blow,
And keep praying it will all come together as I grow…..

I take back what I said,
I can’t take the strain,
Any bit of faith I had left,
I no longer retain,
I’m playing a game with life,
And with these cards that I’m dealt,
I must be playing with the devil,
Because his fire is making me melt.
Because this agony won’t stop,
It’s got a hold on me,
I guess my soul ain’t as reinforced as I thought I would be,
And if I don’t wake up tomorrow,
That would be a present for me…

 

I wrote this while going though a terrible period of depression, the gaps between the writing represent when then got wrote, I didn’t take any note of the dates while writing, I hope you can understand why I disappeared off here for a while after this. I am back now with MANY stories and poems to post, thank you for reading!!! 

Corey Booth……. 18/03/16

Twitter – @CoreyPoetry
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Truth Or Truth – My Life #1

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Truth or Truth – My Life #1

Truth or truth,
Here it goes…

Being the best is my philosophy,
I know I’m not but I’ve got to be,
Because in my mind I am the prophecy,
So I guess that’s why I expect a lot of me.
Is that why I’m so down?
Possibly…

For years I have been my families rock,
Absorbing the pain,
I make everything look better,
Like they are the picture,
And I am the frame,
Will I ever be the same?
Have I only got myself to blame…?

I guess there’s only so much one mind can take,
Maybe being that rock was a big mistake,
Didn’t realise how much stress it could make,
Now I see darkness as soon as I awake…
My minds like an earth quake…
That’s high on the richter scale,
Just a useless, idiotic white male,
Tired looking eyes and quite pale,
But I will prevail…
Well that’s what I keep telling myself,
Can’t believe this stress is affecting my health,
I always thought happiness could be bought with wealth,
But it turns out your thoughts are what puts joy in yourself…
And my thoughts are drowning me,
That’s what’s causing the down in me,
What makes it worse is I have a clown in me,
Now I’m here having a breakdown with me..

But I keep telling myself I will get through it,
You know what I will get through it,
People just have to understand and leave me to it,
Because I am the one who has to do,
But I will do it… I promise…

This has been straight from the heart,
From the last line to the very start,
This is not my whole life just a part,
But I hope in my next chapter this wont restart..
Because this has tore me apart…

Thanks for listening,

This truth or truth is mine,
Far from poetic,
Just raw emotion every line…