I’m Not The Man You See… – My Life #4

myself

 

I’m Not The Man You See…..

At a point in life,
Where I’m just existing,
Swallowed by the Jaws of Depression,
I’m sure this is not what you call “living.”
Deserted by happiness,
Became friends with sadness,
I accepted that as I’m rather reserved,
While questioning if this friendship was actually deserved.
Expert in self sabotage,
Done many wrong Doings,
As I stare at my reflection.
All I see is an anatomy in ruins.
A specalist introvert,
In the foetal position questioning survival,
And only me, myself and I
Know I’m no where near finished being suicidal.
A human being that is not being,
Inside my cranium is where I’m vocal,
Many things I want to do but cannot,
Due to the trait ive aquired of being antisocial.
At the depths of the sea,
I can’t invision this man getting much older,
Waiting for one mental illness to overcome another,
That’s why I think its an insult when the doctor only calls me Bi-Polar.
Imprisoned in this world,
Without having any convictions,
Restrained behind these bars,
Where I’m out of control of my decisions.
A dream to become unshackled,
A nightmare pondering “why,”
Well to my friends Depression and Sadness,
Remember you can’t kill someone who’s ready to die….

A Poem By Corey Booth 21/03/19

In The Shadows

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In The Shadows

In the shadows,
I stand there,
Not being perceived,
In the shadows,
Going nowhere,
With nothing achieved.
In the shadows,
I am hushed,
Not making a sound,
In the shadows,
I’m crushed,
Into the ground.
In the shadows,
Of society,
I’m a recluse,
In the shadows,
So silently,
Not letting loose.
In the shadows,
I’m isolated,
Observing all,
In the shadows,
Frustrated,
I begin to fall.
In the shadows,
Deserted,
Feeling ignored,
In the shadows,
Alerted,
And not adored.
In the shadows,
I explore,
Without a voice,
In the shadows,
Forever more,
Without a choice.
In the shadows,
My life,
Has become,
In the shadows,
My life,
Since it begun.

A poem by Corey Booth

Twitter – @CoreyPoetry

Sinister

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Sinister

Look inside my soul,
At the demons that lie within,
Look inside my soul,
I’m willing to let you in.
Peer at the carnage,
That lies deep inside,
Peer at the carnage,
That can’t be justified.
Gaze at my ghost,
And see my sinister past,
Gaze at my ghost,
And see how long you last.
Glare through those angel eyes,
At the slaughter I’ve applied,
Glare through those angel eyes,
At the darkness I provide.
Glimpse within my body,
At the hellfire in my veins,
Glimpse within my body,
At the demons it contains.
How are you going to feel,
When you snoop inside my mind?
How are you going to feel,
About the corruption you will find?
As a person you will change,
When you observe this inner gore,
As a person you will change,
With this misery you cant ignore.
You will never be the same,
When you see what I have done,
You will never be the same,
These sins cannot be undone.

A poem by Corey Booth 12/07/13 …… 🙂
Twitter – @CoreyPoetry

Some Days… -My Life #3

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SOME DAYS……

Having a conversation,
I’m the only one talking,
Embodied in a war,
In my mind it’s fought in.
Asking questions to myself,
Answered then unanswered,
Decided then undecided,
Right,left, always divided.
Anxious about being anxious,
Paranoid about being paranoid,
Depressed about being depressed,
Stressed about being stressed.
Questioning my questions,
Thinking of thinking,
Overthinking as the thoughts sink in,
Now I feel as if I am sinking.
This becomes more troublesome,
Not all understand as it only troubles some.
I guess some days,
Are better than some days,
And I hope someday,
The thoughts will go away,
Maybe one day…..

A Poem By Corey Booth 03/10/16
Follow @CoreyPoetry on Twitter 🙂

R.I.P MITCH

R.I.P MITCH

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On the 23rd of May 3 years ago tomorrow my first cousin passed away, this is the poem I recited at his funeral.

R.I.P. MITCH

Memories will always be remembered,
They will always be stored in the mind,
Even when we are down on them bad days,
Our memories will be there to find.

Its mad how things change,
So many years have passed,
Just yesterday we were winding up Nan,
The time has gone too so fast.

You always said really long words,
Because you were so clever,
I had to carry a dictionary around,
Whenever we were together.

At Susan’s fancy dress party,
We were there with a wicked grin,
While Mitch pinched Nan Zena’s sausages,
I was taking Gordons Gin.

On Nan and Grandads Anniversary,
Singing, out loud too Bon Jovi.
Up in my room was me, Mitch and Sophie,
Along with Aimee, Tom, Alex and Jodi.

In front of my mirror,
The girl’s danced all night,
Mitch and I wanted to scarper,
They gave us a fright.

Not seen much of you these past few years,
We have only spoke online,
But all of these memories I have of you,
They are always going to be mine.

Like at my fathers Birthday,
They thought us playing wouldn’t be a hassle,
That all quickly changed,
When we fell off the bouncy castle.

All them weekends down Grandads caravan,
Having barbecues in the sun,
Stealing the adults WKD,
Then chilling having fun.

We are going to miss you so much,
Me, The family and all your friends too,
As a cousin I really feel blessed,
To have a guardian angel like you.

Thanks for everything Mitch,
The world couldn’t of been graced with a nicer guy,
So from everyone here today,
Goodbye.

R.I.P Mitch
By Corey Booth – Twitter – @CoreyPoetry

Loose Term

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Loose Term

“This music is making me depressed”,
“This film is making me depressed,
“There’s nothing to do, I’m so depressed”,
“This writing is making me depressed”….

People say to me,
“What you write is Emo”,
What that really means though,
Even though the words ain’t alive,
I actually make it seem so.
When they say that though,
It makes me proud of the words I’ve put on the shelf,
I’m putting my pen to paper,
While conquering the inner evil that lurks inside myself,
People can actually feel the story,
Even though it has no health…

Lets just remember,
These are the people,
Who have never suffered with the term,
And even though they think they know the true meaning,
They have never felt it’s true burn..
I guess what I’m trying to say,
People who make these remarks,
Are the people who have never been depressed,
So I understand what they are saying,
While hoping they never get that demon as a guest…

A poem by Corey Booth – 21/03/16

Follow me on Twitter 🙂 – @CoreyPoetry

The Hiatus – My Life #2

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The Hiatus – My Life#2

They say keep your enemies close,
My enemies my mind so we can’t get any closer,
Why can’t we just become friends,
Everyday I hope for this grudge ends…
I’m nearly 24, with nothing to show for it,
Another year passes with nothing to show for it,
Medical issues making me crazy,
life I’ve had enough of it,
If I had the bottle to get rid of it,
I’d be 6 foot under and loving it.
No friends acknowledge me,
My own family doesn’t even acknowledge me,
This makes it even harder for me.

I wish I can put their eyes in my brain,
So they can see my pain,
Understand what I’m going though,
And never leave my side again.
But that’s not possible,
Damn right impossible,
This mental state has taken me to the hospital.
Anxiety got my heart wanting to explode,
This shouldn’t be happening to a 24 year old,
But I bet you will all talk my name when my body implodes…
Medical issues.
Financial Issues,
Mental issues,
Social issues,
God pass me some tissues..
To whipe away all these problems,
I don’t mind being a stand out,
I ain’t asking to be regular,
Just take away the anguish,
Please I’m on my knees begging ya..
If you lived a day in my head,
You would come out scared,
Vision impaired,
Thinking when you got to take your next med,
Hoping the next day never comes as you lay in bed,
Thoughts function in your head saying you’re better off dead..
Somehow I’m still here fighting and unwinnable war,
Maybe it’s family I’m doing this for,
So I’m just going to keep taking every
Bullet, stab and blow,
And keep praying it will all come together as I grow…..

I take back what I said,
I can’t take the strain,
Any bit of faith I had left,
I no longer retain,
I’m playing a game with life,
And with these cards that I’m dealt,
I must be playing with the devil,
Because his fire is making me melt.
Because this agony won’t stop,
It’s got a hold on me,
I guess my soul ain’t as reinforced as I thought I would be,
And if I don’t wake up tomorrow,
That would be a present for me…

 

I wrote this while going though a terrible period of depression, the gaps between the writing represent when then got wrote, I didn’t take any note of the dates while writing, I hope you can understand why I disappeared off here for a while after this. I am back now with MANY stories and poems to post, thank you for reading!!! 

Corey Booth……. 18/03/16

Twitter – @CoreyPoetry
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